Seeing Yourself The Way You See Yourself Inside

What is it about a good filter that makes you feel so good? I’m not talking about when you photoshop yourself to be unrecognisable. I mean the ones on Instagram that give you more prominent cheekbones or hide that pesky extra chin. I’ve always thought they don’t just change the way we look in photos, more that they are a mirror that reflects the way we see ourselves inside our own minds.

Then again, who is to say that it’s not how others see us too? Maybe not everyone. but I’m sure when my husband sees me, he sees someone more attractive than what I see when I look in the mirror. I think real mirrors exist to show us our insecurities and self doubts, a way to visualise what we don’t like about ourselves and to reinforce societies standards of beauty.

I’m not calling on a ban on mirrors don’t worry! How else would I be able to make sure that I’ve applied my makeup correctly in the mornings without my vanity table mirror to check? I can’t go LIVE on Facebook for Tech Talk Tuesday or The Mel & Sam Show with no idea how I look! Maybe I just want the stigma around filters and editing photos to go? It’s not tricking someone, I’m not doing it for everyone else to see, I’m doing it for me.

Am I lying to you when I use a filter that smooths the wrinkles on my face a little? Am I lying to myself even?! I don’t think so. What I’m doing is making myself look how I feel inside, without the changes the years have brought me. What does it matter to you if when you see me in real life I’m not picture perfect and flawless? Why do we spend so much time focusing on the negatives of peoples personalities and looks?

I asked this question to a friend and they replied ‘Because it is more entertaining than focusing on the positives.’ And when you think about it they’re right! There is a joy that comes with criticism, the feeling of superiority when you talk about their flaws. Surely a much better way to boost your confidence is to focus on theirs and your own positive traits? Lift each other up. You are not ‘more beautiful’ than they are, you are both beautiful. You aren’t sexy or desirable just because someone else isn’t, you are sexy because you say you are, you are desirable because you know you are and you feel it within yourself! If putting a filter on gives you that boost then I’m all for it! Surely that’s better than bringing someone else down?

 Just like a mirror there is a reflection of that staring back at you. It is no secret that we judge and see ourselves based on what others think of us. When I look in the mirror and feel bad about the way I look, isn’t that just because the world has told me that the features and way my body is designed is less appealing than others? Why should I be subjected to that when I look at myself? When I know and see a strong, sexy and powerful woman when I look within myself. I know my husband sees the same and I’m damn well confident that there are others out there too. 

Our real mirror is within ourselves, a true reflection of self shows in our actions and our actions are governed by the way we feel about ourselves inside. If you feel more confident, you act more confident. You try and give that confidence to others, to help them reflect on their true selves, to keep them from seeing not just their imperfections. But to stop them from seeing flaws that were never there to begin with. Flaws invented by the mirror they stand in front of when they look at an imitation of themselves created from their insecurities and self doubts.

I know that especially in this lockdown we have become more self critical, more aware of how we look and feel now we aren’t distracted by work and everyday life. We have more time to look in the mirror, try new clothes or see which old ones are now too big or too small. I have spoken to friends from all over the world doing the same, some who have used this time as motivation to make themselves look and feel how they do inside. It’s amazing to see their journeys on Facebook. Not because they are now better people, but because now they are happier people. They reflect on the outside what they saw inside. Jon and I look different to how we started this lockdown on the outside, on the inside we still see the same happily married beautiful couple, we still see ourselves and each other the same way we always did. I’m still that red haired red lipped woman I always have been and will be, he’s still my no haired and I’ve never seen him wear lipstick, though Jons pout is improving and I’m quite envious of those lips I must say, I’m sure we can find the right shade for him.

So as we start leaving out houses again, start going back to work, opening up our businesses and doors. Let’s all remember to be the person we see inside, let’s remember to see people not the way that’s more entertaining or judges their appearance. Instead let’s bring confidence back out into the world with us, let your clients friends and family know how amazing they are, see them through the filter of how they see themselves and want to be seen. We are in the beauty industry, but what we do isn’t make people beautiful. We help give people the confidence and ability to recognise their beauty. The beauty that was always a part of them and that they needed to see so that the next time they look in a mirror they don’t see societies version of them, they see their version.

How has positive thinking helped you improve? Let me know on my Facebook Page.