I Can’t Control The Changes

It’s about what I want & what I don’t want…

Taking steps

The sun was shining this weekend and I managed to move my office outside for a little while to make full use of the weather. It made me realise how much I was missing last year, believe it or not. Sitting in the garden with Jon, muddling through the COVID experience, just being alone together with the dogs.

Of course, it wasn’t easy and at the time I was worried about the future of my business, the health & wellbeing of family and friends and also all of the nail techs and salon owners who were going through the same thing.

But now as I look back I wish I had spent more time simply ‘living’ in it instead of trying to get through it. There were so many moments that I will remember, moments that could have never happened if it wasn’t for those circumstances, equally many opportunities I missed out on because I had to spend more time trying to ‘survive’ the pandemic.

This year is so different, better in so many ways of course but now that Jon is back at work, Ethan has moved away and isn’t coming into the office every day it is just me and the dogs. This isn’t too unusual, before COVID I worked from home just with the dogs but then I was shown what could have been! I was given a glimpse of a different life that I could be living.

I find I am starting to really look at what I want and don’t want. Last year I spoke to a lot of people who were reassessing their life, defining their current path and thinking of a new one, but at that time I was concentrating on survival mode, growth and development. I won’t lie I was a little jealous of the pause they had on their life, receiving furlough and given the freedom to enjoy their hobbies. But now as things have calmed down and the energy has changed around the globe, I am looking at my own situation and realising, my life has also changed considerably. What I was focusing on in 2019, what my energy was called towards no longer holds joy for me, I want to make some personal adjustments before it is too late and I get sucked back into the humdrum of life.

Although sometimes change disturbs us to the core, learning to leave and let go of what we know and what we are is the hardest thing, but before any change can happen we must let go of the fear of change.

Trust that when we leap into the unknown there will be something to catch us, trust that we don’t have the answers but we will always be ok, trust that we can’t control everything, but that we don’t need to. Trust in the decisions you make, trust in the ability you have, trust in the universe and most importantly trust in yourself. I painted this surrealistic painting and it symbolises my current situation. I hope you like it.

The thing that the last year has taught me is that I can embrace anything and allow it to happen, without fear. After last year, I find I need to make changes, and one of those is the decision to see the here and now, the today, with the sun shining, where I can work outside in my garden with the dogs and birds for company.

One day Jon will be with me too, writing away as I paint beside him. This is my dream, or maybe it is my reality.

My hope is that you find the courage to take the leap, trust in yourself and do what you know deep down you should. Find joy in what you do.

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I Can’t Control The Changes

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